This is a repost from my website – just incase you think your going mad and think…I have read this before!
This is a question that I have been asking myself over the last few months. When I think back 20 years ago, there was no SOCIAL MEDIA at all! In fact i didn’t even have a mobile phone and if you did you were lucky, and secondly, there was no internet, not like it is now 4G/5G…or whatever “G” we are in…I remember my first ever mobile phone – a Bosch orange one – and it was on the orange network! the everyday 50 plan…omg….when I think back to having £100 bills back then, cos it was only free after 7pm! I worked in Scottish Power at the time and I totally loved my phone…it played happy birthday and lit up when it rang…no chance of loosing it…even my 2 sisters had a better phone than me, and at the time they were on 14 &16…I REUSED to follow in the footsteps of what we nowadays call the 21st century. I mean who would have thought, even watching Back to the Future and some of the scenes seemed so far fetched…but when you think about now are not that far fetched and have sort of became a reality today! So why do we need Facebook? Twitter? Insta? LinkedIn and all the rest – do we need to be influenced by society or is it really just to make ourselves feel better?
If being honest, I TRY and avoid Facebook at all costs and very rarely post on my personal page, the only reason I do have a page is so I can run my business page….but even now I think AM I INFLUENCING BY SUPPORTING OR AM I LOOKING FOR VALIDATION FROM OTHERS SO I FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF?
If being honest, and lets face it, how many of us can actually switch off our phones and not bother! I know, I can’t – Well in certain situations I can, but most o the time my phone is always near by….but recently I have been trying to disconnect from my phone, especially after 6pm and weekends. So what would Freud make of all this? He would say we are letting our ego get the better of us!
We all need that validation regardless of who you are! Singers, actors, Policemen, Policewomen, Lawyers, the list goes on…every single one of us at some point in our lives need validation – its human nature…So WHY? Well according to Maslow, yeah a wee bit of psychology here – he was all about human behaviour, that validation – yes I am putting all my knowledge from relationship psychology and CBT in to good practice! that being loved and belonging is the 3rd most basic survival so without this you will never feel that you belong. True so far or am I talking shiz?
How many times have you posted on Facebook to be disappointed that no one liked your post – not one person, this is you seeking validation or the need to be liked. Society has changed us so much that we are in this constant fear of people not liking us/loving us or who we truly are. The truth is, as I mentioned earlier is, that most of us seek it and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it occasionally, but when it starts becoming the norm that’s when it should be a concern.
Do you have kids? are they obsessed with YouTube? I know mine is! I sit sometimes and catch myself actually watching some of the shiz she watches and I’m like, these are kids who are 10, 11 or maybe even 12! doing crazy shiz! For what? to be famous? To get approval? They are kids! why do they NEED to do this? Why cant they just be kids – play outside, ride your bike, play hidi (2 man hunt) What is it they need from this validation?
So in essence, this validation can rear its ugly head in so may ways, it becomes a NEED. You NEED to get so many likes, You NEED to have so many friends, who the feck says so? The Queen? No, its the way society has evolved…it has changed us into this egomaniac way so that if you don’t 560 friends are you even alive?
I’m now at the point where wee D wants to have tik tok and insta apps on her phone – tik tok I don’t mind as this is harmless videos – or is it – maybe I need to look into this further…. and it is linked to my account so I have access to everything she does – but Insta? I’m not 100% sure on this…shes is only 10….should she be exposed to the dramas and going on in life stories, does she really need this validation at such a young age? Do I really want her to become obsessed with selfies and posting and filters – even though just to confirm she does have messenger and loves taking the photos dressed as a dog or Halloween ones – taking away the true self …even though I do what I do, and she is very mindful and quite open about her feelings, as we have learned to write these in a diary on the day she doesn’t want to talk about these…But then does it create an imagination that is so life like that it becomes reality? which then this reality becomes an anxiety?
This validation, I have witnessed myself becomes a real anxiety – its like at Christmas with everyone posting the £1 million presents for their kids (slight exaggeration I know but my point) I was guilty of this once but NEVER AGAIN….does this make you out to be a bad parent, person, bad daughter/son…..where does it end…well it ends with you and how you choose!
Validate yourself by being the person you choose to be! Not what all the followers/friends and family want you to be!
Hopefully this helps someone who needs to be empowered to know that validation is good in many ways but not so good in others.
Rachelle xx
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