As you probably seen on my post the other day, I talked about what I learned about ME during lockdown.
One of my biggest FEARS is asking for help! I know this resonates with some of you and I know many see this as a sign of WEAKNESS, but yet it actually a STRENGTH!!!!!
Over the course of the last 11 weeks – even though we are now in week 13, and we are starting to come out o lock down slowly – I say this because they were the HARDEST fecking 11 weeks of my life… I WAS STRUGGLING – many of you know I lost my gran, I lost my babies and I was still grieving, but I was still in denial…then WHAM BAM lock-down…. I didn’t see my family or J for those weeks, it was just me and Darcey.
I was lost, I was crying inside, and I was STRUGGLING, I needed support more than ever! But I was scared to ask! CRAZY right, I mean I blog about my life, I talk openly about some of the shit that I have been through and have shared…. but I couldn’t say I needed support! I was SCARED…. MOST people see me as this strong, independent person, which I am, but even those, me, there are times when we fall apart…..and because we have this identity that we then scared to ask for help, because people are then shocked! And THOSE are the times I don’t ASK, when I really should…these are the times I go into myself, I feel DEMOTIVATED, I hide from the world…you might have noticed patterns where I will be on the page one week and be interactive and then the next I’m burnt out and really struggling….there is no consistency…and this is what I have learned during lockdown!
I will ADMIT, I am so bad and do put on this mask and show the world, that I’m ok…. Like the picture I posted the other day when I was talking about happiness – as we speak about this in the academy – that picture had a 1000 words, and when I look at it all YOU see is someone being happy and smiling, but on the inside I am dying and grieving, pushing everyone away….Only a few o you know exactly know the full extent of what I’m managing as I do this all on my own!
This can be good sometimes, but it’s also SHIT! I don’t let out my emotions and I get this from my mum – I think I have cried about 6 times in public since I have had Darcey – who is going to be 11 soon! This isn’t good and its not good for Darcey either, as she doesn’t show her emotions either, which I worry because what am I teaching her!
SO WHY?
The golden question…. I think because I have always worked with vulnerable people I guess I don’t see myself as this! Now I know reading this you might think…who the feck do you think you are Rachelle, I get it because I AM DEFO not saying I am better than anyone else, and if you know me by now, I never ever judge anyone….but I think because in the past I WAS VULNERABLE, but everyone is vulnerable it doesn’t matter if you are a CEO of a company or a housewife….everyone at one point in their life is vulnerable….so as I said…at one point in my life I was VULNERABLE…this goes back to my teens and in my 20’s…without going into too much details as this is going in my book - I was in a very violent relationship…which did leave me feeling vulnerable, I gave away my power, my confidence and self-esteem…I was broke….rom this I learned…don’t get me wrong it took me about 20 years to get to where I am now, I suppose m age now has something to do with it…but I promised myself that I WOULD never ever be in that position again! And I suppose this was ne o the MANY reasons I became a social worker and then was out on this path to become a Well-being Coach…
SO how did I change my behaviour – because this is learnt!
Well you can…BUT only if YOU want too…. I started a group chat with some amazing people in it and I have learned that talking does really make a difference….the group is focused on weight reduction…but even this type of support has helped me immensely because its been a stepping stone to ASKING for support….I then set up my academy and the people in the tribe are amazing…..I use this as my safe space to talk about things I need to get off my chest because i know there is no judgement and I also know that someone else might be dealing with something similar…..
As you notice I do a lot of writing, my blog, my diary…every day…..this really supports me and takes me back to my inner child…when I sued to keep a diary when I was younger and It also maybe subconsciously helps give me closure to the past…. I LOVE writing because I can write whatever the feck I want and no one has to see it…I can express how I FEEL and if someone is really pissing me off I can do this without confrontation….Even though I write packages and content for the academy…I still do the work….I have too…I can’t expect YOU to do the work and not me! This is why I know what I do WORKS…
I know I go on and on and on about meditation but just even doing 5 mins makes a MASSIVE difference…even just listening to your favourite song – you don’t need to be a pro at meditating as its not for everyone! I also use my CBT tools like my happiness tracker and grateful journal…some of which I think are on the free resources on the website… but using my academy as a safe space really supports me too as we chat about how we are feeling on a daily basis….
I have also learned to speak to my friends and if I am STRUGGLING and tell them how I am feeling…I feel getting rid of some of the friendships from the past and re-forming old friendships which have became soo much better….and also making new….these are the people I want around me because I know I can trust them – which for me is one of my BIGGEST area that I still work on to this day is TRUST…..
As I say I have the academy which is full of people who understand ME, even though its my safe space its also theirs too…and this is why people who feel drawn to join will…I believe that those who are on the same wavelength will join and get a lot out of it…in there we can be honest and even more, be honest with myself….
So MY top tips for ASKING for help!
© Journal exactly what YOU are FEELING – identify what it is that is holding YOU back, BE HONEST….its only you who can see this…it will MAKE a MASSIVE difference
© TALK to someone YOU TRUST! Someone who won’t tell you what you want to hear or just say what you want them too…. SOMEONE who is HONEST and will give you that kick up the arse! It might hurt at the time, you might even all out because its not what YOU want to hear but sometimes its called TOUGH LOVE!
© MEDITATE – I know…but it does I promise, make a difference – even listening to YOUR fave song!
© JOIN a safe space – SOMEWHERE YOU FEEL DRAWN TOO – chances are you are drawn to this tribe/group or person for a reason…. ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT!
© ASK ME! I’m here to offer some guidance and sign post you to the right services that you might need!
DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE! ASK for support – its not a sign of WEAKNESS!
Rachelle xxxx
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