Week 8 of lock-down and its mental health week......as I sit and write this blog at 8.30pm, I have already tried to write 2 blogs and I just couldn’t get my words out, maybe they weren’t meant to be, but I feel this is more important and I hope this maybe helps at least one person after they read….as always this is based on my own experiences, my own strategies that I try to use and to show you that no matter who the fuck you are, you are going to have shit days…..but its how we deal with them and if we let them control us…..so as usual I am going to be honest, I have been riding the waves of high’s and low’s…one minute I’m full of energy and buzzing with positiveness and the next I just want to run away!!! – if being honest no idea where to cos everything in the world is shut down- I know many of you are feeling the exact same just now and its OK! I think this year has taught me a lot especially the last 8 weeks of being in the house, with my 10 year old, no one coming in, not able to see anyone and being trapped inside my thoughts – oh yes…I have those negative vibes too, but again its how we choose to deal with them and allow them to take over….We have learned – well…I have learned that I can survive and I will be ok….i suppose I have thought about the future and moving away – like abroad when Darcey is older, but what that has taught me is that I don’t think I can, I think, even though my parents and sisters stay 30 miles away from me, I can still jump in the car and visit them…imagine I was 300 miles or 3000 miles away, its not as simple….so maybe this is seeing if I am able to manage this, but who knows this is the future and things change…but so far I HAVE SURVIVED – my business went on line and I’m still busy, maybe not as busy as I was when I work in the community and do in-person appointments, but I still can’t moan or complain but what I AM IS GRATEFUL AND HAPPY because there is some people out there who have maybe no job as the company has went into administration, some people are on furlough and might only be getting the a percentage of their wages! SO, I think myself lucky…. I have also learned that I AM TOO STRONG FOR MY OWN GOOD! I put on this mask that I am strong, even to those closest to me, and I am ok….when in fact I AM FALLING APART….and do you know it happens to the best of use…..I don’t really give a feck who you are - The Queen, The First Minister, some Pop star..... everyone in their life falls apart but its how we deal with it that matters!
In this blog I am going to talk about MY COPING STRATEGIES and how I try to put these in practice EVERYDAY before I even get out of bed…I think for me was week 6….to cut a huge story short I was haemorrhaging and I had to call the Dr, I was worried sick, my thoughts were if I have to go hospital, firstly who will look after Darcey, what If I get this virus, omg panic panic, panic…..I called and the Dr thought I could be pregnant but miscarried again….I did a test, but I knew there was no way because the last time I saw J was on the 23rd March….i just broke, it broke me….the test was negative, which I was sooooo grateful, not that I wanted it to be negative, but I think if it had been positive I don’t think I would have coped, It was literally only a few months after losing the twins….but it was at this point I realised that I wasn’t strong, I couldn’t keep putting on a front and I needed Emotional Support – I needed someone to cuddle me, I needed someone to tell me it was ok….i have amazing friends and my sister who I trusted and I just burst out crying….but what I realised was that being in the house for a straight 6 weeks I needed human contact…..it was in that day I realised that I had to let my guard down, I had to let people in, I had to be honest with myself and J, as he had no clue how I was feeling, because I didn’t let him in….i was trying to be strong for Darcey, I think she has seen me cry about 6 times in her entire life and that’s not good, I am giving her and setting the example that its ok to be strong when your really aren’t…I learned that I was still grieving or the loss of my Gran (Lil – who you will hear me talk about with my GG) and my two amazing angel babies….all in the space of 2-months and then lock-down happened…so even though I thought I had DEALT with it, I hadn’t really….I have started taking time out over the last week, because I have been emotionally exhausted and drained….so when I haven’t had appointments I have been working on things I love and doing things I love…..and been getting excited or the Academy to launch….i have learned to listen to my body and take time out when its needed…its only took me years to understand this and I now feel I’m on my journey of healing…..so the first important part of this blog is that when your body needs to heal or take time out – that’s ok! But you need to LISTEN!!!! I you need to nap……if you want 5 mins to yourself that’s all OK! I know if you’re a single parent, or your kids are young this is not possible….but even 5 mins in a locked toilet works wonders…..I’m quite lucky that Darcey is older now and does her own thing, so I an go and chill in my bedroom if I want 5 mins….so how do we get through this….now as I mentioned at the beginning of the blog…THIS IS MY WAY OF COPING…. I’m not suggesting for one minute that this will work for you…..it might, it might not…but you need to find ways that do work or you…these are just the tools and like everything I do - YOU WILL FIND YOU OWN WAY OF WORKING - I’m here to show you the tools and provide the support on YOUR journey as this is YOURS not MINE…..and remember if nothing changes nothing changes….so you can’t moan or be upset when you’re not going forward….
So the first thing I want to say that “TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY” …...I say this as soon as my eyes pop open! And before I get out of bed….by saying this, its setting a tone for the day and how YOU CHOOSE to spend the rest of your day…. YOU GET TO CHOOSE!!!! As I mentioned the theme for MH awareness week is Kindness, so this is you starting to be kind to yourself by pre-empting that its going to be a good day…..if you still don’t feel it, because You REALLY HAVE TO FEEL IT – say it a few more times – this is a process, it’s going to feel weird in the beginning and it will become a habit – it can take between 21-28 days or a habit to be made or broken…..but this starts day on appositive, kind and happy place….but if you feel like you wake up and your feeling BLAH….you don’t know why, you can’t quite think why your feeling angry or upset then maybe use this tip – HALT! This is an acronym for H – Hungry – when did you last eat? Is your hunger emotional or do you need food? If you can connect with this then its food you need, but you need to eat something that is healthy…. A – Angry – What are you dealing with right now that is stressful? Is this what’s making you angry - find out why and find healthy ways to diffuse this…..L – Lonely - I know in this current climate this one is probably the hardest and the most common at the moment…but when was the last time you socialised? Was it a positive or negative experience? Reach out to your support network and get talking!!!! T- Tired – Have you been getting enough rest and giving your body the break, it needs? How can you energise yourself? Take time out and relax!
So, after I do this process – which may feel like eternity but trust me, its literally a few minutes! Its only cos I have write it down it seems longer than it is……when I get up like everyone its so tempting to check Facebook and other social media…but I try not to for the first hour because that can distract from the day – I don’t want to know another 20 people have died from the virus or the negativity that is posted on there….im not saying that I don’t care but for my own mental health I try to stay away as I think this puts more focus on the negative feelings and with staying safe at home and isolated this can add more pressure to how your feeling – remember we need to be kind to ourselves as well as others, but it starts with US!
As soon as I get out of bed, I need my coffee, anyone who knows me I AM a COFFEE FIEND, I totally love my coffee, but for the last few months I have switched to de-caff, I am not really a tea an but I will drink earl grey or tai chi….so have started reducing my caffeine intake from 8 cups a day to about 4 or 5…and trying to drink more water with diluting juice added so for me I am trying to be kinder to my body ad mu heart! But I am saying this because I there is something that you crave or need, because let’s be honest caffeine is a dependency what could you switch it for or even reduce it down to?
So I am drinking my first cup of coffee, and whilst doing that I like to light a candle, this can be any type o candle, it can be a yankee doodle or a wee tealight from Asda…….and I also light some incense…this helps me create a sense of relaxation….and gives clarity to start you day…I also use the candle in my meditation too, but that’s for a different time and a different blog or class….once I have done this I get ready or the day….i know just now we don’t really have a routine, but I have learned the more I sit around in my jammies, the more I feel demotivated, tired and really plays on my negative feelings….when I have clothes on – just even a t shirt and leggings, it changes the whole perspective – don’t you think? Try it for a few days and see how you feel……as I say if nothing changes nothing will change….so whilst in my shower, this is where I meditate most of the time, and yes you can meditate anywhere you want…you don’t have to be sitting or lying, you be awake or have your eyes closed…there is no wrong or right when it comes to meditation – it’s what is best for you….so why the shower? For me it suits me best, I can concentrate on my focus and also the water helps calm my mind…and also helps me ground and feel cleansed and focused….i also say affirmations in the shower too…I change these everyday some of these include “ I have all that I need to make this a great day of my life.” ……… “I am patient and calm and greet the day with ease” or “I am filled with gratitude and kindness for another day” these help set me up for the day…once ready I write three things I am grateful for in my journal/diary or notebook….this can even be 3 power words but for me writing three things I am grateful for really works, some people like to pray and you can do this is if it’s better for you…I like to write it down because then I can say what I really feel….you can make this as long or as short as you want and these can be based on what’s happening in your life at the moment…….it’s your grateful list so do what feels right for you……I then write out 3 goals I want to achieve for the day….again this can be as long or as short as you want your goals to be, but remember to be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and for that day!!! But I want to say is don’t be hard on yourself or beat yourself up that you might only achieve one of your goals – SMALL STEPS is what its all about and even doing this is a big achievement in itself….the keyword here is TRYING!!! I have also went back on weight watchers – there is other diet groups avail, but don’t get me wrong I love Slimming world, but I need to watch my portions, so I’m better weighing out my food….a good thing about this is that I have set up a wee chat group and trying to empower other as well as motivate and sup[port and for this is making me accountable and it’s a really good group where its safe and if your having a really shit day you can let of steam….this is what I want my academy to be like too….
Healing…this is another method that I have been using or the last couple of weeks, now or me this is a big thing and I know not everyone is not attuned to reiki, but even when your meditating you can ask your angels/guides or whoever you want to send you healing…….i have been trying self-reiki which I don’t usually do because it don’t eel its effective or me, even though I teach I have to be honest….i attuned Darcey when she was about 6 yrs old, so I ask her to give me some reiki….but if this is isn’t or you that’s ok…reading a book, watching a film, having a bath with crystals and essential oils…..I’m now qualified in this so I am a Essential Oil practitioner and have been mixing different oils to come up with a healing remedy which can be used in the bath and/or on your skin throughout the day to give you a lift….i know I mentioned reading a book but I have been watching a few shows on Netflix and this has definitely supported me the last few days as I have needed to chill out!
Well I hope some of the strategies that I have spoke about have maybe gave you some ideas on how you can make a bad day into a better day……no matter who you are WE ALL HAVE STRUGGLES….its all about being honest with YOU!!! and saying you’re not OK! I’m not saying I have MH issues – because I maybe do but they have just not been recognised officially by a Dr….but just because you’re not at your best doesn’t mean that you are a failure……I hate using that word and every time I see it I think of this - FOREVER ACQUIRING
IMPORTANT LESSONS – so every time something doesn’t go right or I am taken a different way – I am always learning….i am always learning about myself…I recognise my struggles, I recognise y strengths, my flaws and most importantly WHO I AM!
So my last word is be kind to you…...You are stronger than you think!
Rachelle xxxxx
Comments