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Shadow Self – Do we have one?

In this blog, its all about the shadow self, what it is, and how we have suppressed this to fit in with society. How it can rear its ugly head and this is sometimes where the energy vampire sets in too….not always…may I add! everything in this blog is my own opinions, my own experiences and my own research interpretation….its not to say that what i have written is right or wrong, because i believe that everyone has their own way of experiencing, this is just to give a little more info on what I have learned and maybe give you the guidance and support that you need at this time and maybe consider i this is something you need support with….xxx

So what is the Shadow Self? The shadow self according to LonerWolf and Scott Jeffery, this is term used in personalities that we can’t see in ourselves. Everyone has a shadow side, regardless of whether they want to believe it or not! Most people repress because they want to “fit in” with peers, family, culture and society. We can also know this to be our “Dark side”..oh I felt like something out of star wars there – Dark Vader in this strange voice as I was writing! As Jung – psychologist of this theory and used this term would suggests its part of our “psyche”that we are not comfortable with and don;t accept as being OK? Agree or disagree? not sure…well lets go on a wee bit more…..

When we are born, we are born “pure” so we don’t have much experience of our emotions and instincts that we can experience them in true form…so remember when you were or a child, or maybe you have young children and teenagers just now and you can totally relate? I know I can but I also think back to when I was younger with my two sisters – we used to be selfish and didn’t like sharing, maybe your still like that? mmh…or they take a tantrum because they can’t get their own way, being jealous if you have just had a new baby or even become violent and hit other children….now this is our shadow….this is the personalities we often hide because we feel ashamed, or know that there will be some sort of punishment attached to it, or as adults we know that its not right to behave like this? but who says? Society, Our peer group, culture, religion….because we suppress these personas – remember I talked about putting on that mask – the facade card is coming in here,  your not being your true self….something that probably most people can relate too – regardless of whether you are a guy or gal, is remember the cool kids – I don’t actually know what they would have been called back in my day never mind what they are called now – probably not something not very nice – but the only word that is appearing to me the now – well 3 words “Mean Girls” and bullies!  well as I was saying – I have actual forgot where I am going with this! its like we suppress either the good or bad inside us to become someone we aren’t so when I was growing up – you always had that group of friends you longed to be part of – maybe you didn’t  – I did – I wanted to be part of that group so bad – when I think back to now- why the feek…but I did things that I am not proud of, but when I look back now I hold my head in shame!  I know as I’m writing this its part of who I was, it was part of me that I shouldn’t be ashamed of, but I am, this is sometimes what we need to manage, sometimes when we are learning about ourselves, we have to go into the deep darkest corners that we have suppressed and bring back those memories…maybe this is why we talk about karma and a reflection of what we put out into the universe we get back…maybe this is my karma and all the lessons that I have been through in my adult life are now things or me to deal with that I did when I was younger – who knows…but shadow work is about integrating your shadow side to support you to see your own mistakes more clearly which supports you to be more tolerant of other peoples mistakes too….which I will discuss further in the blog about the benefits of looking at your shadow and knowing that its not all bad! … So in essences the traits that we don’t like or want in our lives are our shadow and the ones that our EGO likes that’s  what we show everyday – see we are all learning something…this is where we get the EGO status coming from and also a bit about our behaviour… which i will discuss in a few minutes…

I’m going to discuss shadow repression, this is where we don’t want to see our flaws or difficult emotions …maybe you can connect with one or all of all about what I’m going to suggest and just know – your not going crazy I have been and still am to certain degree, as I am still a working progress, so as I am learning, I am changing and letting go too… so some of the repression (I need to say this is different for everyone and can manifest differently  so don’t worry if the effects are something you cannot connect with!)  can include effects like feeling confused about who you are and what you want – again masks and facade! being a people pleaser, doing what others want you to do to impress rather than what you want?  Feeling disassociated, disconnected or numb? maybe your not feeling any emotions, and not feeling like your in this moment, if that makes sense, its like your a zombie, this is the only way I can explain..its like some people resort to alcohol, drugs, gambling, affairs, this makes them feel alive and human, its like taking risky actions knowing that this is wrong but its to feel something!  Unfulfilling relationships – your maybe in relationships that don’t have any depth – its just surface value, there is a lot of behaviours that are controlling or conflict, no communication or there is but its misunderstood….the list goes on, but these are the main ones that I feel might be relevant or this blog…

So what happens with the Shadow parts that we don’t want to see? As we know we hide these away….there is lots and lots of information – maybe I should have planned what I was going to write lol… I have so much information going on around my head! I am going to explain what we do with these parts – remember you may have heard me talking about my coach  – Kate Spencer –  who talks about us carrying a Shizcart? this is where we keep everyone else shiz along with our own….we drag this along and keep adding to it until it gets full and we can no longer continue to push it – well its the same here!  with our shadow we put it in a cart but instead of pulling it we bury it depend inside ourselves and lock away never to be seen again! we try not to think or look at it! However….yes there is that catch…see when we don’t deal with them they cause problems in our life…and one o these can be our behaviour….

So…have there been times where you feel you have no control over your behaviour and I don’t mean when you have been steaming (a wee drink or 2 or 5 to get you drunk), I mean where you have just went into the daze where you don’t feel right, you feel out of sorts or maybe got to the point where you have been so angry or frustrated and its became like an outer body experience – yeah this used to be me – many many years ago – I would get really angry at the drop of a hat – I would go out with friends and my sisters – actually my sisters at points refused to go out with me because all I would do is “growl” and draw my eye of people – in fact I lost the amount of times I would get into arguments and my sisters would have to apologise or my behaviour,  even when younger than this, probably when I was about 13, I got into the wrong crowd – apologies mum if your reading this! See I was soo good at hiding it – but also probably because my dad was soo strict when I was growing up too – I spent most of my time at my friends house – both her parents worked in a pub – and when her mum wasn’t working she was in the pub and her dad too – both her parents – especially her dad was a very much older man, when we went out people used to mistake him for being her granda…yeah i was 13 and he must have easily been about 60! I promise and kid you not! I actual dreaded getting a  lift home, cos he would probably be over the limit, even though it was from the bottom of the street to the top – still have the fear – maybe that’s why I’m sooo against having even one drink and getting behind a wheel…I still remember the car it was an old Saab, like an E plate – omg…back in the day – probably an antique now… but back then my time was 10pm…I ran about with a group of boys, was always getting into arguments, this was my first proper boyfriend – I will tell all in my book – but he didn’t have a good reputation because of his dad! First lesson and never learned! My point to this is showing how when your younger your trying to find where you fit in with society, you start putting all the traits that you don’t want into your cart!  whether its good or bad traits this is you forming around your peers, culture, environment and society! and this is the beginning of your shadow developing as time grows we add more to the shadow suppressing what we don’t want when in act we need those traits too!

Have you heard of Unconscious Behaviour? this is where we have no control over our behaviour, its like where someone takes a black out and doesn’t realise what they are doing, the only way i can describe is if your sleepwalking!  This is a sigh that your shadow is coming from your unconscious mind rather than your conscious and this can mean that you may say and do things that you wouldn’t normally do, this then fills you with regret, realising the aftermath of what you have done or said….I totally get that, when someone pushes me to the point of my anger – which I have learned to control  – and its been a hard task but I have learned to embrace different strategies because my temper did get me in trouble and stopped a lot o good things from happening to me – and I really try my hardest not to take things personally now… so when I got to this point it was like a red mist – you often here people saying they see “RED” – well that was me, I would go in to fits of rage and not know what I was doing or saying until it actually happened and I calmed down, this is not an excuse this is real and some people can’t control. its like having an outer body experience, i can’t explain it, but hopefully one day i will have studied and researched and be able to explain why we behave that way…it could be trauma, it could be a something that happened in a past life or a childhood experience…but just know it is a real thing…. One way i have had it explained to me which i think most can relate to as you may have heard or even read is Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, his split personality…now some people could say this is a medical condition such as bi-polar – having ups and downs and maybe it could be linked to this  -who knows,  but using this as an example you will understand that the shadow is Mr Hyde and and because its not part of Dr Jekyll and acts without him using his conscious mind  it leads to him being caught., so sometimes its good to allow the dark in as there needs to be balance.

So previously I  spoke about the Idealised Self …now we all know some of these people, for me i think the psychic mafia –  sorry I know I shouldn’t they are probably really nice people, but some just get on my nerves with their love and light shiz and thinking that there should only be light and they are so much better than everyone else – always coming from a place of EGO – YES I SAID IT – My opinion, it may not be true, but from the experiences I have witnessed specifically in the last 5 years since working in this environment, its very much a ruthless world, with their way or no way…your not allowed to do this and your not allowed to do that….in all my learning that I do and the teaching that I teach, I tell everyone to choose their own path, just because I do something it doesn’t mean it will work for others… this is YOUR JOURNEY, most things in the spiritual and psychic realms are not regulated! yes you heard me, there is no code, there is no regulations, so just be sure that if you are going on sixths journey its someone who is open, honest and transparent, who is always learning and never TELLS YOU what to do! So getting back on track to the idealised self, these are the people who refuse to acknowledge they have a shadow…in act this is the bit that makes me laugh…that “they point to the fact they do not have angry outbursts to justify this idea” Like i have suggested through the blog, we are often told about people being good and bad, I don’t now if I was ever threatened by a bad person growing up, I know that some o my friends were told that if they weren’t good then they would go to the naughty school – this was a school in Ardrossan – i think at one point it was a secure unit – not the one in Stevenson or the kids who did really terrible crimes but this was a sort of residential school which i think was mainly for boys, but the threat was there – I think i was so scared of my dad that my mum just had to say I’m telling your dad and that was it! until i was doing my course, I learned that this black and white thinking of good and bad is called “splitting”. But I must say at this point that its more complex and in very much a lot of detail, so when I write my course for healing the shadow self, we will discuss this further.

Everyone has a dark side, you might hear me talk about white and dark magick. There is nothing wrong with using dark magick as we need this to balance us, I choose not to use it unless its necessary, sometimes it can be used or good, but most of the time people do use it to cause harm and this is why I very rarely talk about it or use it, but I have in the past.  We all choose whether its seen or not and those who reuse to accept that they have a shadow are called an “Idealised Self” In a positive way, this can be used to protect yourself, but at what extent, as these can cause issues or us which I am going to briefly discuss – otherwise there won’t be much point in a workshop!

Being judgy! Judgemental – I am sure we have all came across these individuals in our lifetime,  I know I have, in fact while we are being honest here – I’m going to admit I used to be like this! probably when I was from about 14 – 18… but that was well knocked out of me by my dad…I remember when I worked or my mum and dad in the cafe they had – let me tell you its not as glam as it sounds – I worked from 7-7pm sometimes even later and only got paid for working my Sat shift! it was a family business after all and we don’t get paid! this was my dads answer! I got free board and food what more did I want! well eh paid! but anyway – there was this family that used to come in – they were a huge family – there was about 7 of them that used to come in for breakfast and lunch maybe 2 or 3 times a week, I hated serving them, I am actual ashamed to say this, but I felt I was better than them,  I used to put on this posh accent? I know when I think about it now after 25 years I am still ashamed that was how I behaved, yeah you could say I didn’t know any better, but I did! My dad gave me in to BIG trouble and told me I should never judge a book by its cover, you never know who people are and he was right! they could be millionaires for all I knew from that day on I changed my thinking and changed the way I viewed others.

I  used to witness this when I worked with the young boys in the service, some of them were really nice and gentle boys, they just had a shiz upbringing and no one really gave a shiz about them…I had a soft spot for some of them and it was a shame because people would judge them… because they wore hoodies, I lost the amount of time the police would stop us in the street and ask them questions, or I would see people – especially the older generation looking at them like they were a pieces of rubbish, yeah its easy to get on your high horse and think your better than certain groups or people, but when you are doing that continuously  about certain people, everyday and saying “I’m much better than THESE people” this is being highly judgy! 

Being unable to admit fault! again, I totally think that most can defo agree and say they have been on the receiving end or still do this…I’m linking this back to the energy vampire…the narcissists….these are individuals who don’t want to recognise they are in the wrong,  or have messed up…If you tell them they have messed up, they turn this blame on you and make it somehow your fault and your in the wrong…making sense so far? I have seen this so many times, I don’t even think I need to even explain…because this is part of the idealised self!

Another way of being Self Idealised is being abusive to others – in a sense “Dehumanising” this again is abusing people for something that YOU see as not being what you think is appropriate.

This idealised self is not very pretty, in fairness its unhealthy and toxic, it stops you from being human, and you don’t know how to be empathetic, compassionate or even being able to understand others, because YOU REFUSE to meet your own shadow, which is another projection on to others!

So if you decide to work on your shadow how is this going to benefit you? I’m not going to lie, like Reiki, it requires work and I mean hard work, it will bring shiz that you need to be ready to manage to the surface, it can make you angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, but once you acknowledge and recognise these factors it will support you…some of this include, Better Relationships…as I mentioned earlier working on your shadow enables you to accept your mistakes more clearly, and make you more tolerant of accepting others mistakes too, it makes you more compassionate, more stable and responsible and your communication becomes less destructive. You become more active in your physical life as well as your emotional one too…you become more fulfilled as you may reclaim issues that happened in childhood and allow to let go of these,  healing your shadow can also release rage, which I suggest to people can manifest in our bodies causing pain, like in our backs for example, once you acknowledge the shadow and heal, you may see this pain disappear…so many of these illness can be caused by holding onto our shadow or through pain of not letting go and once you release you may notice a change in this too…

Now as I say there is good and bad with everything and with Shadow work you have to realise that it will not all be plain sailing, there is going to be downs…and for some that can be really difficult, like Reiki, I have clients that I have been working with for a good 12 months or more and they have seen changes in themselves since coming for Reiki regularly, like that, Shadow work can make you see you life in a different light and it might make you think that you don’t want to have this life anymore and may want to have something completely different altogether. For example you may decide that you don’t want to work in the environment your currently in,  go and retrain in something else, or you might realise that the loveless marriage you are in is something that you need to get out of….For others it might be repressed emotions, some which may have came from childhood,  this can be really difficult and can also be strong and

it can take a while to process this emotion, so just be aware when you start this journey.

I really hope you enjoyed reading and it has gave you some insight or a brief introduction to what Shadow Work is…I am still currently undertaking this work on myself and very much working on my exams for this, but I am hoping to do a more in-depth workshop and also do some sessions to support people on this journey if this is something that they are interested in.

Thank you so much for reading, your time is greatly appreciate and also your support as always, as with out you I wouldn’t be able to do what I truly love and support people the way I can.

Rachelle xxxx

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