Yes, I said it, when you reach a certain age there is all these expectations put on you that you should be married, have kids and be in a good job….where the feek do all these people in “society ” come up with ideas….I would love to know who make these rules or not even rules but these things that make us feel shit! Now what I’m going to write about is totally personal, based on my own experiences, good and bad and the shiz! this is real stuff and there is probably loads of people who know me, who I have had to change their names or legal reason! I can’t afford to get sued! as I’m writing I’m realising that this – I hope makes you laugh and know – shit is real life! I hope it builds your confidence and empowers you to come out your comfort zone and do something for YOU – it doesn’t need to be the dating game! but this time of year everyone is starting to think about the plans or 2020!
This was going to be in my book…but I feel some of it must be written the now! this is also for the guys too. I’m not just writing this from a lassies perspective! because I’m guessing you guys can secretly agree with what I’m about to say….ooh I actual feel like Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker), from sex in the city….all I need to do now is go and sit in Costa (Del sol) with a hot chocolate and have my laptop and just stare gazingly out into the windy streets Glasgow at all the people passing by trying to think of some amazing shit to write! true story xxx
I saw a post a few days ago from my coach and she was talking about your past sabotaging your future and I thought fcuk yes! of course it is, even though I have done the work and moved on, it still came back to bite me on the arse! Anyway, more on that in a jiffy….
So it all started last year when I was coming out my comfort zone, I was going through loads of change, most of you will know this is you have been with me on my journey as I do regularly post about the shiz that is my life – ooohhhh that could be the name of the book! Anyway – digressing again…oh my god this is why I was so shit at exams…..I would make a really good point and then drift off onto something else and then come back to my original point – so this I am working on and trying to get better but I just love talking…I’m the same in conversations! anywhooo…..so yeah it all started last year, when I set up my business, I had been single for 6 years, I purposely stayed single because my confidence was at an all-time low, I wasn’t in a good place, because the person who I had a child too and had been in a relationship with or 7 years had cheated on me along with other things…it made me question who I was….so rather than jumping on the “horse” as they say I decided to live a life for just me and do work on myself…don’t get me wrong me and my ex did try and get back together but after a week of living in his late I knew there was no going back and I was on a different journey….I began my Reiki, and did my levels 1&2 and wanted to do more, so having took my redundancy because we lost funding for the service I set up my shop, but after 6 months it became too much…I was being stubborn…. I could have had a gold mine by now lol….maybe or maybe not! the pressure was too much, I was a single parent juggling a shop with bills and a house with bills, so I gave it up…..I spent the next 12 months working in an after-school care as an a assistant manager – OMG, can I just say I take my hat off to anyone who works in this environment or is even a teacher! it’s a hard job when you have some kids who are cheeky wee shits! sorry but it’s true, the way they spoke to the staff, I wouldn’t let them away with it and I don’t think some of the parents were too happy, but I think that’s what some of the problem is nowadays is that kids don’t have respect for much. I would be absolutely disgusted if Darcey spoke to staff like that, firstly she would never ever live to tell the tale, I just believe manner don’t cost anything and I blame You Tube for all this rubbish and children’s rights yes I was a social worker and how many times a day I heard that – I used to say what does this actual mean – no idea! precisely because they don’t know….anyway that’s a different topic or another day…as again I am digressing! so then I decided to start my business back up, then in June, sue to circumstance I had to give up my job in Quarriers and run my business full-time…this is where I met amazing people who maybe aren’t in my life now for one reason or another, but they were meant to teach me and I was meant to teach them, lessons I suppose you could call it and that’s exactly what happened…..or me they brought me out my comfort zone and got me to start dating, now at the time I was on 39…so this was 2 years ago – was it cos this would have been around the July an my birthday was in November so I was going to be 40! so yeah…they encouraged me to go on a dating site!
Well………….this is how it all started, so when I was younger I did go on Plenty of Pish – oops sorry Fish…but it was just as bad then as it was now, I had some really bad dating experiences with that, then I did the phone ads – remember them in the 1990’s lol ….you put an ad in the classified to think it was – omg the shame! that was another hysterics, then I did the blind date where a guy in worked set me up with his best pal – who had loads of chat on the old text – yes we didn’t have FB or What’s app back in the days it was just good old texting back and forth, then met up with him…omg….he was as dull as dishwater – he was an accountant…I was like seriously you for real….I’m still convinced that he wasn’t texting me! anyway so this had put me o the dating game way back in my 20’s – to be fair I met Darcey’s dad at the dancing – it wasn’t even that romantic lol….I gave him my number and he called a day later! should of seen that warning sign! so you can imagine the FEAR when they suggested TINDER – I was like nope…but then I saw some of the action that my friends were getting – not in the way you dirty minded scoundrels…. and o thought why not give it a go! what do I have to lose! Well…
So I took the plunge and out on some make up and did some pics…as you all know me and selfies just don’t happen, and as many of you who know me personally and through the page you will know all this – so apologies in advance! So remember last year when I was brimming with confidence, well I am still…but this is a different confidence, I think since turning 40, I have grew a set of balls and won’t take any ones shit! but not in an argumentative way which I was like when I was in my 20’s…..omg…I was a party girl…my 2 sisters even reused to go out with me cos according to them I “growled” at everyone and was always getting into arguments- which is pretty accurate, but over the last 10 years I have really worked hard to curb my anger – don’t get me wrong I’m still no angel but I just don’t let stupid stuff get to me as much. I still get road rage and if I’m out and it’s too peopley I can get really frustrated and the “angry Rachelle” does come out, but its human! I’m human….and its OK….so anyway……back to TINDER! ooohhhh I wonder I get into trouble with advertising…maybe they will give me a dream wedding cos that’s where I met J….lolls….
So I adds my profile and obvs, all of those who know me, I DO HAVE A TYPE….just like guys…it’s OK to admit that we all have a type some people kike guys that look like rugby players ( yes you popped into my head C! and Jason Momoa) where as others like guys who look as though they have stepped off a catwalk and that’s perfectly ok…each to their own I say…anyway or those who are just new to my bizarreness I like Black guys – oh and yes it’s perfectly ok to call them black or African! as I used to get into trouble for saying coloured, but back then it was the term but it changes so much I think people are now confused and feel awful they use the wrong term…so my five crush is Idris Elba….pure love him…but anyway…. so was quite choosy with the guys I was getting but then this guy messaged me – ooohhhh…loving all this attention….so then another guy messages me and before I knew it I had 3 guys messaging me….feck knows how I managed it. god can’t even handle one person and messaging, even the now, I have about 7 conversations and I’m like I hope I don’t say the wrong to the wrong person…. but these are clients and friends by the way just in case!
Sooooo….with the help of a few friends, they totally supported me and for that I will be eternally grateful as, the lesson here was or me to get out my comfort zone and they definitely did that….they helped me shop, they put me onto Boohoo.com and Quiz, I got a whole new wardrobe….it was amazing I felt like a new person….so my point here, is no matter what your weight – that’s always been my issue, and guys too – I know your conscious about how you look. even though you hide that shiz well! I had been doing my walking so I did feel so much better in myself and that totally boosted my confidence! so here goes date 1!!!!!
Date 1, we had been chatting on whats app – my fave way of chatting, cant do this face time stuff, especially before meeting cos I think if i did do that I would have felt let down…I have just realised I get more of a buzz texting than actually going on the date! so the night before the coffee date, date 1 face times me, pure steaming! yes steaming….and I was like are you going to make the date tomorrow if your that drunk! “of course he says” well…..gets ready to meet at 12 or the date, messages to say that I’m going to be late cos there is roadworks on Maryhill road….so that was fine, parked at the bus station and waited at the clock….no where to be seen – yeah you guessed it! I GOT STOOD UP! well first lesson….lay down your ground rules and don’t let it go! so phones my friend pure embarrassed cos this was my first date – coffee date – in about 6 years – I did go on 1 before that but I left my other friends at 2pm caught the subway, met at Costa del Sol and was back at her house for 3pm! I know! quickest date in history! total let down….so my advice guys and gals, see if your flirty on text be flirty in real life too…just don’t have the banter on the text! cos that’s what lets you down! so getting back to being let down…..my friends like omg are you OK…obvs I wasn’t – i was pure gutted….like you would and she knew I was, but i think I was more upset at myself – I knew i should have bloody went with my gut instinct and noticed that his messages hadn’ t delivered…and had called a few times – I did genuinely – I think it was 2 x bit not anymore, so if someone stands you up DO NOT CALL ANYMORE THAN 2X! THIS THEN BECOMES STALKER MATERIAL….so I drove back home, and collected Darcey from school….so when I got home i blocked his number, so I was like if you can stand me up then you deserve to be blocked, this was me setting my boundaries, now the old me, would have just kept his number and waited for some excuse because my confidence was low and self esteem! NO! YOU DO NOT NEED THIS SHIZ IN YOUR LIFE!!!! THIS IS A SIGN if you do this at the start what else are you going to let them away with, while I type i’m getting that old saying – treat them mean keep them keen- but nah that shit doesn’t work….so I set the boundary to know I WAS WORTH MORE…and there was someone better out there – it just wasn’t meant to be….so later that night I just quickly unblocked and he sent me about 10 messages and a voice message – tough shit you had your chance and you lost it – so I deleted the number and all its content….and put the block back on….sooooo i had already planned date number 2 for the Fri night! omg a Fri night date lol ….SOOO you would think that would be the end of date number 1 – nah……I was at a fayre in Cadder on the Sat and then my phone rings and its a mobile number – put it onto voicemail cos I was busy but also if its a number I don’t know i don’t answer – it could be some call centre as they are getting so fly now! so he leave a message – APOLOGISING A FEEKING WEEK LATER! NAH MATE…THAT BOAT HAS SAILED…..BEEN HER AND DONE THAT SHIT MANY TIMES NEVER AGAIN…..SO DELETED! now the old me would have been just so happy to get the attention but what I learned was that I know what i didn’t want…..and it wasn’t this….so onto date 2! but I will chat about manifesting love! cos that’s how I met J….xxx
Date 2….ok sooooo meeting a Friday night, got ready at my friends house, she was doing my lashes…..anyone who knows me, I love my lashes and have to have them I going out otherwise I feel naked…..so she offered to do my hair which was great cos again we all know I’m not the greatest at doing this shiz! that’s why my sister is a hairdresser!!!! so tanned a full bottle o wine – still wasn’t drunk….or dutch courage….cos this was a night date! I hadn’t been on one of these for years! wtf do you do…so we were meeting in town….can’t remember the exact pace lol….but I do remember being LATE! The traffic and roads works….cos my other friends were going to a different party so they dropped me off at Jamaica street cos the guy got bored waiting or me and ended up going to a wee pub at St Enoch square….. so sat down and waited for about 5 mins for him to offer me a drink…I was sooo nervous actually – it feels like yesterday but this was about 15 months ago lol…..anyway he gets me a voddie and coke – I mean i was like that to my friends what do people drink! I used to drink long voddies – but that was away back in the day so I just decided rather than make a pure twat I would stick to what I know…can’t go wrong with a voddie…so we moves inside because we were sitting outside and it was beginning to cool down….so we then gets moved from the pub to other pub as they are both linked which was one, got in to the booth and he started PDA, now I don’t have any issues with people grabbing my hands and being affectionate but please not on the first date! so he’s like really over the top…and saying he really likes me and that he wants to marry me! I’m like mate we just met – I could be a serial killer for all you know….so finishes my drink…waiting patiently for him to get me another drink – now this has taken me a lot to not be in control…..because I am used to being the controller…I control everything…I think because i have been single for so long and being on my own, even when I was with Darcey’s dad, I was the same, probably because he never contributed to much, but that another topic for another blog….so after 5 minutes of gasping or a drink I was like do you want another drink….he’s like, well yeah, but he’s like i need to tell you something but I’m embarrassed….and I was like oh shit! so me being me was like, look you can say anything I’m pretty sure I have heard it all…well not what was going to come out his mouth I wasn’t! he’s like ” I only brought a tenner!” he then added “I was so desperate to meet you I didn’t want to put of meeting you to next week as that’s when i get paid” My face must have been a picture….I so wished i had a secret camera to film it…I though to myself – who the feck goes on a date with a tenner! yeah another red flag Rachelle! so as I try to clamber out the booth, cos lets really be honest I’m not the skinniest of people…I fell…..yep right in the middle of the floor on all 4’s….to make matters worst I had the worst high heels on that I had just bought an cannot walk in them…and believe me its not the first time I fall on date! so trying to hide the act that I fall, totally steam boats and start laughing…..manage to get myself up and go to the bar….ordered drinks and then he starts with the chat again…so what are you looking for? Why are you single? how long have you been single? whats your long term future? Are you wanting to have more kids and get married? OH MY FEEKING GOD! I this is a first date I would hate to see the next date….so I said i just came out a relationship blah blah blah…..by that time it was about 10.30pm…THANK GOD! I used my fayre in Cadder as an excuse to make a getaway – even though my other friend was like I will phone you if you want – but I feel thats something you do when you about 12! but luckily he was going to a wedding in Manchester and was driving and had to get up early….so still a wee bit steaming had to walk to central to get a taxi, he was a gentleman I do need to say, he walked me to the taxi rank, but because I had been drinking (a wee bit too much) guess what happened, and cos it got a wee bit chillier- I took an asthma attack! Yep you guessed – I honestly cannot make this shit up! so stopped at the bank machine to get money out for my taxi, quickly took out the money as I was hyperventilating, couldn’t get my inhaler out in front of him, so just quickly kissed him on the cheek! omg his face was a picture and I was like let me know you got home ok…he was stunned….so got in the taxi and quickly tried to tell the driver where I was going and get my inhaler – I could breathe! Thank god……so in the taxi home…now I did forget to mention that I had been messaging a 3rd person…now I was totally shocked as he was a – well back then – a good looking guy, thought way out my league – yeah you guessed Mr London…..but at the time I didn’t call him that, so he messages at 11pm at night – now just to give you background….he was in Glasgow working in town and had been for the last year…..now what are the odds that he actual lives in Maryhill and we have bumped into each other twice in TESCO!
So..Saturday i did my fayre at Cadder….I messaged date number 2, cos I knew he was at the wedding and then as I say Date 1 phoned me….so I was pure buzzing all day cos I was really excited to be going on this date…we were meeting at Oran mor! you just know when your really excited and cant wait or the time to come, so finished my fayre, quickly went home and dropped all my stuff, nipped into Tesco cos I needed new underwear…I went out the night before in underwear I didn’t feel comfy in, so I was sure that tonight had to be the right night! sooooo…quickly got a shower, changed, did my hair all the usual blah for going out….and then drove to my friends, as she was putting on my lashes and she was my excuse to get out as she had my car lol! the things we do….so was at hers and again tanned a bottle of wine for dutch courage cos I really liked his chat and I knew this had to be a good night…..so called a taxi and headed to Oran Mor!…..Now when i go out i have no glasses on, so literally can’t see anything 3 feet in front of me…..so i goes in and says that i am waiting for someone, but hes already in the bar! Now before that i told him i wanted dinner, having the disaster dates that i had, he booked a table for us to get food! so me being blind, in the literal sense, i had to ask the girl up stair if a black guy was here, and she like yeah and I said I’m on a blind date but how ironic – i cannae see….so she showed me to the table and i was sooo nervous and not only had he got us a table and booked it they had reserved it and brought over menus….i was like wow! so we just started chatting, not the usual crap oh where do you see this going,….we chatted about real stuff, his jib my job and where in Glasgow had he been and then we talked about meeting in Tesco! so i did order food, but only chips and even then i was sooo nervous to eat….everybody was phoning me to see how i was and i was ok…all the usual…so it was about midnight or maybe even later – i actual lost track of the time….so we went to get a taxi, and he was going to get a separate one, so i said whats the point i can drop you off first, BUT……it never happened like that he kissed me in the back of the taxi and i just ended up going to his! anyway…..cos my mum or sisters might be reading this!
We will move onto the next day……so he turns around and says i think i’m falling for you…i’m like omg what is it with me and guys wanting to all in love! i just want to have fun! so he made me coffee and then i was like i really need to phone a taxi….cos i knew my friends were worried about me, my phone was dead i needed it charged and i had to go and collect darcey….so i said whats the address…he had no idea! so managed to find a letter with an address on it, so gets in the taxi….i didn’t even know where my rind lived, all i know she stayed near the library…so i’m said to the taxi driver can you head to the library and i can tell you from there, so got to my friends…omg…she kicked my ass! sh was sooo worried about me, but in a good way…and she made an amazing brunch that i was so hungover to eat! so we were having a Sex in the City chat as you do and then i gets a text “miss you love you” everyone like don’t say it…don’t say it….i didn’t…i said i had a really nice time and thanked him for the drinks and dinner….so what about date number 2, cos he was messaging me too, so i decided to say that i didn’t see this going anywhere blah blah…and he was like was it cos i went to the wedding in Manchester….really? am i that bad….no its cos i don’t fancy you….well i didn’t write that just in case, i just said i would prefer to be friends, the first time i had let someone down and it felt amazing! so he blocked me! how feeking rude….but thats fine….so went on another few dates with Mr London before he got moved to Manchester….he came up or my birthday and we spoke about Christmas and him meeting Darcey, i had started to really like him….BUT…..things started fizzing out and now i know the reason why…but he never confirmed it but with the messages it told me everything…….. so the week before Christmas he just ghosted me, never replied to my messages and then i phoned him – RED FLAG and he was very brief saying hes been really busy sending me pics of his plans and stuff and that he might not get finished – RED FLAG! so still that was fine…Christmas days came – NOTHING….not even a happy Christmas, so i sent him a message saying hope you had a nice Christmas blah…but i think we should just be friends and this would take the pressure of him and the time isn’t right just now…..i don’t even know what we were, so yes being psychic is a blessing it’s also fucking hard when you know that the person has gone back to their EX!!!! yes…you read that correctly….so yeah i was gutted and upset….and i did get over it…i started doing my work again….but then in my sessions and meditation my GG kept saying Mr London,….so i said to my friend and she was like message him….so i did!!!!!!!! BIG MISTAKE!!!!!! if i can give one piece of advice its if someone ghosts you get your own closure and don’t hold onto the past! so i sent him a message wishing him a happy new year….and that i knew he had a lot going on and i he needed to chat i was there with no pressure….i did say i wouldn’t message him again as i didn’t want to be a stalker – EEEHHH RED FLAG ALERT!!!! so me being the new me even said – i know you had your reasons and i will never ask unless you want to tell me…..so i said new year, new start…always and forever R…..SOOOOOOO…….he replied…… so his response was you don’t know how much i missed this! i know i have been a bad boy but i will make it up to you one day, i really appreciate you understanding …then he went on to say one day i will make it up to you…still being me though – RED FLAG!!!!!! Miss you…..WELL…..from that day i deleted everything and thought i deserve sooo much more than this shit! he ruined my Christmas because he didn’t have the balls to tell me that he was going to try again with his EX! still trying to dangle me on a string and build up my hopes…but i had been doing the work and i was stronger, i didn’t need this shit…i had me….i had my daughter …..that was enough….i had a few more lessons to learn and went on a few more dates…..but nothing more…then i met J……who i manifested and i going to tell you at the end how i did this…. but i did meet him on TINDER! and we have been together for 9 months now….but i always knew and even said this to my friend…MR London will come back when i’m happy and in a relationship and sure as shit he did! out the blue…a year to the date he ghosted me (it was actual last week) he messaged me and said the following…..hi dear, how have you been,,,i know you might not want to talk and i get that. just want to know your ok and the little one…so i replied and said yeah i’m good thanks…..so then he replied back that it was good to know and that i hope i ind a place in my heart to forgive
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him….so i waited a day or two because i was like you totally treated me like shit and now your wanting some sort of booty call…i don’t think soo…so the next day i replied and said i forgave you last year, so i could move on and i have…i’m in happy relationship and i wish you all the best and you’re in a happier place…so then deleted everything again…and needless to say hes not replied…so sometimes karma is the best….now he knows that he had me and lost me to someone else that does give a shit…but thats what you get for playing with fire…you do get burned,….i he had been honest and said Rachelle….I’m going to try and get back with my EX i would have been fabb totally…you have a child together and i would never stand in anyone’s way…but he didn’t have the balls to say that and now…i’m in a better place….
However, if he had messaged me maybe 6 or 7 months ago….i had really just started seeing J and wasn’t sure, then my message may have been different and who knows…but i learned my lesson and the universe was testing me…sometimes we are stronger than we think and i think i would have probably still told him to jog on….this has made me more aware that i really like J and have really fell for him….so my advice is do the work…and get yourself in a place where you know you deserve the best…don’t hold onto the past as this is really easy to do…but your just bringing that thought into the future and the past doesn’t belong there…i always say and EX is an EX for a reason….DO the work, and love yourself more….this i promise will bring what you want and need into your life…..this is my manifesting love tips…..
Manifesting Love….this is how i manifested love AFTER doing all the work on Me! Nothing’s going to change unless you do the work and change you…. thats digging really deep and really exposing yourself….
So look at what QUALITIES YOU WOULD LIKE IN SOMEONE….
Look at what QUALITIES YOU WOULD LIKE IN A RELATIONSHIP….
Look at you’re on QUALITIES, HABIT, HOBBIES AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU OFF WORK OR IN YOUR FREE TIME…….THESE SHOULD ALIGN with that of your DESIRED RELATIONSHIP & PARTNER! so let’s be honest….AND YOU need to be really honest with yourself, if you want someone who is active and healthy but you don’t really see yourself as active and healthy…you have 2 choices – either start making the changes or change the type o partner and Relationship YOU want! it’s that simple…there is no point in manifesting something that isn’t going to last….when i manifested J…after all the disastrous dates…i said i wanted someone who was hardworking, wanted to spend time at home and not party and communicates! WELL….he is the hardest working person i know,who has about 20 million jobs…..he likes just staying home and chilling and watching films….and he messages me every morning and every night before he goes to bed and all in between…..so make sure this is WHAT YOU want…..
Lastly YOU NEED to become YOUR OWN SOULMATE! when you start paying yourself more love – like take yourself out for dinner or go to the cinema…..i did it and loved it…i loved going to the cinema during the day on my own – no one to moan or talk to me it…it was brill,…i don’t have the time just now but i will be….and you are grateful for the love you receive in other areas of your life you change your vibe from “lacking” to “HAVING” which is where and when the magick starts to happen……
You got this…. So let’s set boundaries, don’t take any shit and be upfront and honest i it’s not going to work out let that person know…. lets get manifesting all you single people!
Rachelle xxxxxx
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